How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Houston, we have a squirter
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
