those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
