I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
