My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
