Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
