I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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