For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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