Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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