you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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