Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
