So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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