how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
