what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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