I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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