you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize