It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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