Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
