I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
