woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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