I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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