You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
