Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
