...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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