I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
