I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
