clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize