Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
