dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
