I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
