Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
