It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize