I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
