I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
