her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
