Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
