Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
