she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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