what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
