haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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