Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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