So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
