Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
