He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
