I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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