I intend to get homeless drunk
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The air was thick with penises
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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