Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How external is "for external use only"?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
and you fell through a lawn chair
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