everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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