I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
