Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
