i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize