It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
