Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We need to get me chipped asap
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
