It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
