You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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