so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
