I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
