i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
