fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
