I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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