So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
