I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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