Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
