My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
