All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
