when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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