I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
