I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
