i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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