I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
