Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
