I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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