My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
