The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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